Hello Friends,
You're in for a treat as today you get TWO Thursday Thoughts posts.... that's what happens when I'm so busy I can't think straight and look at my calendar wrong LOL!
Today we welcome Brooke Lynn back to our blog. So without any more interruptions here she is....
“What Happens when our Heart Deceives us”
I witnessed gut-wrenching heartache and pain women
experienced from affairs. I worked with these women, lived in a neighborhood
with some, and their pain seemed horrendous. Their hearts were broken, torn
apart, crushed without an inkling of hope remaining. I scoffed and made snide, judgmental remarks about
people I knew having affairs. How could they ever stoop so low and put
themselves in that place? What made them do this awful and disgusting thing?
Wedding vows are precious and priceless; verbalized before a Holy God. They are
meant never to be broken. I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea. My thoughts were full of condemnation and disapproval. What’s adultery -some sleazy infatuated sex, or a
grand affirmation to make you more confident and secure?
Women give themselves completely to their husband,
surrendering their hearts and lives, trusting one man to love them unconditionally
for the rest of time. Some give up careers, hopes, dreams, and pieces of
themselves to be together as one. These women have children, families and
declare "all-in". Then like a thin pane of glass, shattered into a million pieces; it’s a
disaster. All of it’s simply ended because of an affair.
The thought of this happening to me, consumed me
with fear. So, I prayed a lot. I prayed for protection over my husband and my
marriage. I asked God to never allow me be cheated on or traded in. I begged that provocative women would stay away from him and not lead him into temptation. I knew I
couldn't handle it, if it were me. I would be forever broken beyond repair if my husband had an
affair.
What I discovered about myself was; I was a hypocrite.
I confess that it was me who
devastated my husband when I ended up having an affair. I
believed I was too good to ever cheat, and yet I found myself running into the
arms of our Pastor. I have all the excuses in the world for this happening, and
trust me I tried to rationalize it. The truth is that there was no excuse. It
was awful. The truth is awful; and it may
make you hate me.
It began with “innocent” flirting
and secretly enjoying my Pastor's companionship and attention. We became
emotionally involved talking over the phone, emailing, and spending time
together. I pushed guilty thoughts and all conviction to the back of my mind; choosing
to live in denial. He was having marital issues suffering with an alcoholic
wife; I was emotionally abused by my husband having a pornography addiction.
This made it okay for us to have each other; so we said.
But in reality we each had our
own deep rooted problems and we exaggerated the issues of our spouses to
justify our own actions.
We were sick; all of us. And don’t think for a moment I justify my actions;
I do not.
I was looking to another man to
meet my needs for love and acceptance. I was following my feelings. I was
living in a deep dark hole of deception, believing all the lies in my head. I
believed God wanted me to leave my husband and be with my Pastor. I trusted and respected him since he was a Pastor
and he had counseled couples; including myself and my husband for marital
problems. I couldn't see it; but I never should have trusted someone for marriage counsel when their own marriage was chaotic and falling
apart.
My Pastor encouraged and assured
me I deserved better than the husband I had, and he said he was that better
man. I took his every word to heart and leaned on him to see me through all my
problems; including filing for divorce. I kept telling myself he was a man of
God whom I could trust. I placed him on a pedestal and allowed him to
manipulate me.
The situation
was a heart breaking time of turmoil and grief for everyone. I separated from my husband and had an affair with my Pastor for nine
months before running to God for help. Faithfully, God reached down His hand
and pulled me out of the deepest sinking hole I'd ever fallen into.
The unbearable emotions and feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment were pressing deep into my soul, hurting intensely as pain unable to be
medicated. And in that moment, in pain and shock, my whole
world crashed in on me. I didn't know what to do; I never thought this would
happen to me. I looked around to see what was left and asked God how to pick up the pieces of my life. What happened next was nothing short of a miracle; I obeyed God and
went back to my husband asking forgiveness; my husband forgave me and took me
back with open arms.
Trust me when I say nothing about any of this was
easy. We spent thousands of dollars in legal fees,
sold our home, split up our children, damaged their souls, and hurt each other deeply. But perseverance and determination to do what we believe God wanted from us; motivated us to put our marriage
back together.
Restoring our marriage took
patience, determination, time, and counseling. We worked hard putting our marriage back together and learned many lessons
in the process. Ten years later; we don’t have a perfect marriage and we still
have our days; but
what we do have is each other, along with a beautiful family who beat the odds
and devastation of divorce. And it’s all because of Jesus!
Author
Bio:
Brooke Lynn is a
writer and a speaker who passionately lives — reaching others with God’s word
and love. She is a survivor of abuse, sharing her past pain and recovery to
encourage others with hope. Brooke
resides in the Washington D.C. area, has been married for nineteen years, has
two children and loves dogs.
