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Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Numbness Has Lifted.....

For the first few weeks after my huband's death I lived in a world of disbelief - I can't belive this is real...I can't believe this has happened....I can't believe I'll never see/hear/touch him again....

I had bad moments in othewise good days and bad days in otherwise OK weeks.

Well Friends, the numbness has lifted and in it's place is agony ~ such agony. I've cried more in the last 2 weeks that I did in the 5 before - Yes, it's been SEVEN weeks!

There is still a sense of disbelief, but more and more the fact is becoming real....I will NEVER see/hear/touch him again. He's gone. Life as I knew it is over.

I wonder what's next....acceptance, peace, wholeness, a new sense of purpose? One can hope.

They say it'll get easier....time heals all wounds....life will go on....faith will pull me through...I'll be ok.

I wonder who they are, I'd like to sit and have a talk with them!

Seven is God's perfect number so maybe, just maybe my life -at some point - will make perfect sense...I'd be happy for this situation to make even a tiny bit of sense!

Alas, life does go on and I KNOW I must continue to go on - to walk through the maze and work through the haze of pain and confusion and despair ~ to battle the darness trying to eat away at my soul and surrender to the light of love and healing only God can bring.

Once again I'd like to THANK each and EVERY ONE of you, my friends and family, near and far for your continued prayers and positive thoughts - I truly feel your love and support.

May God BLESS you All!


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. There are plenty of words, but none that can truly explain or help. Just know that you are never alone. Time will tell and time will heal. Trust.

M.Flagg said...

Hi Pam. I came for the new post but saw this one. I'm sorry for your loss. Find comfort in the love you lived with your husband. Heal through your writing and stay strong. My prayers are with you.
~ Mickey, a fellow rose

Pamela S Thibodeaux said...

Thank you Anonymous and Mickey!
May God bless you both.

Tanya Hanson said...

Dear Pamela, I almost feel your pain, having nearly lost my husband to cancer last year. I still am amazed at how much I was able to cry.

It is hard to understand God's plan, that's for sure, but know you have many friends and prayers out here in cyberspace.

Pamela S Thibodeaux said...

Thanks Tanya. I pray your husband is healthy and whole from the top of his head to the soles of his feet - fingertip to fingertip and that you are blessed with many more years together.